Public Speaking Mistakes | Professional public speaking isn’t for everyone. The nonstop travel and constant meticulous creative fine-tuning can leave even seasoned lecturers wondering what dissuaded them from a less exhaustive career path. They could have taken it easy and become attorneys or neurosurgeons. Instead, they set out to walk onstage alone night after night to enthusiastically address and inform crowds of strangers willing to part with hard-earned money and precious time in exchange for a singularly inspiring learning experience.
Let us suppose that you explore the paid speaking circuit and decide that the life-consuming preparation that accompanies your performance just isn’t paying the dividends you had hoped it might. You want nothing more than to leave the grind behind with no regrets, follow your mother’s advice and tame lions for a living for the rest of your days. One problem: you find decisively quitting utterly humiliating. Instead, the prospect of burning out rather than fading away inflames you with a passion for a spectacle that doesn’t so much “leave them wanting more” as wondering what exactly they just witnessed.
Public Speaking Mistakes
After all, if you perform memorably poorly enough the first time someone asks you to do something, there’s a strong chance that’s one more individual who won’t ask you to do it again.
If you could live a fulfilled, happy remainder of your life without addressing a large assemblage of people all at once on command, follow this guide to the letter. Without fail, your lecture invitations will evaporate faster than spit on a hot sidewalk.
(AUTHOR’S NOTE – For the love of Zig Ziglar, do not take this list seriously. The aim is simply to have a little fun by extending common public speaking mistakes to their most egregious conclusions.)
Make Sure You Have A Poor Opening
By the time you finish your talk, will anybody really care how you started it? Think of all the accomplished and in-demand speakers who carefully craft a “grabber” that seizes any audience’s attention immediately with a personally meaningful story, thought-provoking expert quotation or jarring relevant statistics. The last thing you want to do is waste time you could spend getting to the meat of your material. Your audience’s time is sacrosanct. No need to demonstrate your deeply rooted commitment to your subject at hand. Instead, consider starting with a dirty limerick.
Actually, scratch that. It might clash with the next order of delivering the worst-prepared talk you can.
Don’t Ever Inject Humor, Never Make Your Audience Laugh
You have come with serious business in mind. Nothing will convince a crowd that you haven’t treated this critical matter with its due gravity quite like keeping the mood of the room light with jokes. Set the atmosphere of a wake, not a comedy club. If your attendees were in a jocular mood, plenty of comedy clubs would surely give them their two-drink-minimum worth of chuckles. Humor is not engaging. Rather, it is the surest way to erode their sense of gravitas and distract entirely from everything you actually want them to remember.
Preparation Is For The Weak. Just Wing It & Never Rehearse.
Come on, now. If you really knew what you were talking about, would you need to spend hours on end researching, preparing note cards, practicing your speech repeatedly in front of a mirror, convincing your friends and peers to listen to it another hundred times, and timing it incessantly? You either know this stuff or you don’t. Get out there and improvise. You are guaranteed a reputation if you can guarantee that no two talks are exactly alike.
Never Pause Or Take Breaths. Speak In Long Continuous Sentences
Mercy is for the weak. So is punctuation. Never coddle your audiences by pacing your speech with strategically placed breaths and pauses that allow your words to settle upon their thoughts. The world is always on the march and the strong-minded can keep up with a breakneck pace without ever missing a beat. A nonstop projectile eruption of words from the instant you step on stage will determine who can absorb vital information effectively on the fly and which wimps are too undeservingly slow-witted to deserve your wisdom.
Keep Low Energy, Speak In Monotone, Boring Language
Of course, there’s an alternate school of thought: learning and entertainment have never been natural bedfellows. In lieu of wearing your audience down with a frenetic onslaught of language, proceed at a glacial grind with unremarkable language delivered as flatly as possible. Hey, they’re in their seats. This is your time. Why hurry?
Never Make Eye Contact With Your Audience – Instead, Dart Your Eyes Or Look At The Ground And Sky Often
Your audience doesn’t want a rapport with you. They didn’t settle in for your talk expecting a new best friend. Making ample eye-contact throughout your talk will either come across as creepy or possibly engage your attendees’ ability to sense your fear. Instead, take a cue from one of humanity’s evolutionary counterparts, the gorilla: do not look individual audience members in the eye; they will take it as a challenge to their dominance and assume you want a fight. Show respect by deferentially darting your eyes and looking at the ground or upward as often as possible.
Don’t Tailor Your Speech To Your Audience – People Hate Relevance
What qualities do people find that others take most for granted? Efficiency and dependability. That’s why every major city around the world has a McDonald’s on every other street corner. That established standard of quality replicated swiftly beyond borders and offers a valued comfort in reliable, familiar expectations. Trust that your audience will appreciate that you appreciated prudent time management too much to craft an entire speech suited to their specific interests. You no doubt wisely chose to get more done by easily replicating an existing talk instead of making each engagement unique. Don’t work hard. You work smart.
Apologize Often For Doing Everything Everything Above
Remember, your objective is to never be invited to address a large audience ever again. Never take for granted that attendees noticed your shortcomings. Rather than emphasizing your natural poise, apologize profusely and call attention to your every shortcoming. Leave no ugly stone unturned.
Did you get all of that? Good. The world has plenty of speakers with passionate commitments to educating, engaging and informing eager audiences on an intimate level. Every so often, people need a good trainwreck.
It doesn’t have to be you, though.
- Should You Trademark, Copyright Or Patent An Idea?
- How To Launch A New Product
- ‘After Lunch Speaker’ at the Royal Opera House
- Motivational Speaker Los Angeles
- DIGGIT event, Ljubljana, Slovenia
- A Motivational Speaker in Bucharest Romania…
- RESPONSIBLY BEER from Shed Simove
- How a Post-it got me noticed at a speech in London…
- Speaker Sheet | Shed’s At A Glance Speaker Sheet
- Shed as a motivational speaker on creativity | Sales and marketing
- Motivational Speaker Kingston University, London
- How To Overcome Your Fear Of Public Speaking
- How To Use Standup Comedy To Engage Your Audience When Public Speaking
- How To Craft The Best Elevator For Your Business Or To Land A Job
- How To Make A Square Video
- These Top Networking Mistakes Will Guarantee You Won’t Get A Call Back
- Creative Solutions For Work-At-Home Productivity While Starting Your Business
- Careers That Make Great Springboards For Transitions To Entrepreneurship
- How I Drove Huge Global Media Exposure With A Simple Dating Idea
- Best Activities For Team Building In Las Vegas
- Why Some People Don’t Succeed In Life?
- 11 Tips to Improve Work and Life Balance in Los Angeles
- Top 10 Presentation Mistakes You Should Avoid At All Costs
- 3 New York Fortune 500 Companies Who Need Motivational Speaking To Get Them Through Tough Times
- 7 Ways This Entrepreneur Has Got Into Trouble & The Lessons That Boosted His Success
- How To Add Humor To Your Keynote Speaking Engagement
- 16 Different Types Of Keynote Speakers You Should Consider For Your Next Event
- How To Prepare For A Motivational Speaker At Your Conference
- ‘Make America Grate Again’ Grater Dares To Take On Trump’s Nutty Side
- How To Hire An Inspirational Speaker For Your Event
- A Motivational Speaker In Salzburg, Austria…
- On The Same Bill As Keynote Speaker Gary Vaynerchuk!
- How To Manage Toxic, Difficult People In Work And Life
- How To Change Someone’s Mind With Careful Persuasion
- Funny Public Speaking Topics To Win Over Your Audience
- How to Be A Confident Leader In Tense Situations
- How To Connect An Audience That Distrusts You & Change Their Minds
- Great Ideas Gone Viral & Done Right | Shinder Dating App Drives Massive Exposure & Girls Too!
- 6 Inspiring Product Launch Venue Ideas In Los Angeles They Will Never Forget
- Radical Creativity At Burning Man In Nevada Will Inspire You To Think Beyond The Box
- 8 Public Speaking Mistakes That Will Get You Fired in 5 Seconds Flat
- 9 Ways To Build Confidence In Business & Take On The Universe With Panache
- How To Give A Memorable & Inspiring Speech
- 8 Powerful Tips For Public Speaking Onstage
- Team Building Exercises In Los Angeles That Are Fun (or virtually anywhere)
- Great Things Entrepreneurs Can Learn By Attending Las Vegas Trade Shows & Seminar Talks
- How Los Angeles Startups Succeed On A Guerrilla Approach To Everyday Problems
- 4 Things Every Budding Entrepreneur Should Do After Arriving In Las Vegas
- Why Los Angeles Is The Driving Force Of Innovative Ideas
- How Watching Inspirational TED Talks Can Lead You To Become A Better Entrepreneur
- How To Become A Motivational Speaker
- Creativity is the new power! Knowledge is dead!
- How To Train Your Mind To Be Creative And Gain A Competitive Edge
- What Does an After Dinner Speech Do?
- A Motivational Speaker In Austin, Texas…
- How to Write a Popular Blog Post on Quora
- Looking For A Motivational Speaker?
- Why I Hate Business Cards
- How to Have Great Ideas…
- I’m Named a ‘Marketing God’!